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05/01/2003 - 06/01/2003 06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003 07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003 08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003 09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003 10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003 11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003 12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004 01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004 02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004 03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004 04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004 05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004 06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004 07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004 08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004 09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004 10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004 11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004 12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005 01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005 06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005 Tuesday, March 30, 2004
okay everyone get ready for the ride. we're going UP UP AND AWAY. RAWRRR.
sometimes i wish that there could be solutions easily found, answers easily spoken, questions left unanswered. but then where'd the mystery in life go, the suspense, the reason why we live, to discover these answers. thinking about your future when yu're pretty uncertain about what yu want out of life is difficult. decisions to make currently left unfounded, with intentions admirable, but reasons inane. someone just shoot me.
i dont have anything to blog about.
chem is over. the one subject i claim to be my pain, the one subject i actually like studying, the one subject i studied the most for. it wasnt a great paper, it would have been a good paper, if there'd been more time. so. it was an. okay paper. with like, quarter the marks gone cos of no time. yes. but, not too bad huh.
just watched survivor. i have a bad habit of relating tv shows to real life. as lex told ethan he was gonna be voted off tonight i couldnt help but think that, sometimes life just goes the wrong way for you, and you have 2 main choices. to let it be, let it go, forgive. or you could go all out to make sure things dont happen that way again, and perhaps succeed, or fail, depending.
stayed over at kamya's hse last night and she came over for the day today. haha. damn slack, damn fun. but i did lots of integration, did my whole 18a tutorial. yeahhh. integration, not so sucky after all.
cluster expedition, it was fantastic. for a while out there in ophir, i truly remembered why i love odac so much. the outdoors, the people, the cold, the heat, the water, it's all part of the experience.
what can i say, BTC was fun. it was soo soo tiring, and there were points were i was falling asleep making pancakes for the j1 breakfast after the 4 am evacuation, and times where i was pressurizing the j1s and things like that. its all part of the experience, and i must say, it was great. tho a few times things went wrong, and we had to come up with backup plans i think generally, it was a great camp, and i'm proud of my batchmates, and i'm proud of a lot of my juniors. they were great. we were great. odac lives on.
forgot to mention. remember that horrible chem test i told yu about?.. yes. it also turned out to be the worst test i've ever done in my life. F. F. F. E. E??.. NO, not even... F. F. F. yes. an F.
hello. my internet explorer is scoofy, so my bro d/led this new browser. damn nice. my blog looks better on it. haha. and so do other pple's blogs. yays.
today was ridiculous. such bad bad lecture tests. great great wake up calls.
when everything suddenly seems so pointless, you go for a canal run, spend time in the canteen talking to nice people, and suddenly yu feel oh so alive again. of cos, its short lived, but it feels good doesnt it? and feelings cant be expressed in words, it was only two days ago i was insisting to my mom that i need a new spark of adrenaline in my life. but i guess, many things can replace skydiving. (one of my suggestions, amongst a holiday and goodness knows what.) and today, things seem so different. but i know it wont last. but well. i'll try. worries dont last forever, sometimes, yu just need to sit back and let things be.
math today was..not bad. better than chem. tho somehow i think that whenever i think that way, i'll be proven wrong in no time. oh well. couldnt do a few parts, they were tricky. and my 1.8 minutes per mark. i should have made it 1.5 or 1.6 so that i'd have some time to go back to those tricky parts. nvm i had fun by myself during the paper. yay. utilised my calculator more than most calculating the time i should take for each qn. haha. shit. it was fun tho.
anyway, friday is physics, and its also chuenkang's thing! yay. fun. i mean, the latter. hope physics is okay, although currently i've done nothing which could at least reassure me that physics is passable, and i mean. not like...E-passable. will they kick me out of s paper? better not. i do like physics, deep down, somewhere there. yeah.
anyway, complains of the day. not many this time.
1. i ate a whole fish today. yes the whole fish. and crys, i think it was slightly bigger than that fish yu ate. tho probably thinner. it wasnt too bad. i wasnt too traumatised, tho i did try to get myself out of half of it.
2. my tv broke down. yes. just when i'd rewinded the tape to the correct moment to watch my show, it just like..switched off on its own. and refused to work anymore. so pissed off. drowned my sorrows in ice cream. (yes. kill me now.) anw, the tv is like..quite new la. sheesh. hope it gets fixed ASAP. before tmr. AI results.
3. i slept after the ice cream at like 5 plus, only to be awaken for 2 minutes at around 7 plus, only to eat a curry puff, then fell back asleep, literally, until like 8 plus. whoooooops. so. wasted my night, but it feels good.
okay that's it. i didnt mean to blog so much. alright, love everyone out there. g'night. happy physics-ing to most, happy slacking to some, happy history-ing to a few, and happy birthday nizam!.. cya'll pEePs. (haha aman, if yu ever read this soon.)
what i ate since 12.30pm. 1mug of ice cream. half a bag of chips. one durian cream cake thing. chestnuts. green tea. spaghetti. meatballs. timecheck: 9.27pm.
mugging makes pple grow fat. i think my insides are turning into fat (fine i havent studied enough bio.) tho the weighing scale has yet to begin reflecting this pig-like hunger of mine.
so now i cant explain the stupid feeling i'm feeling, i feel like the tests are over and that tmr's a normal day. WHY. pls panic a bit. yes. i will go mug bio. and math. and physics. cos. chem is not the only subject i take. yes.
short sentences. rock. sigh i'm going insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane.
somebody save me, pick me up from this hole i've fallen in.
rock on pple. we're almost thru the CTs!.. well...fine....at least we're...almost to the almost to the almost point of surviving the CTs.
i guess in the end it matters more whether yu live life the way yu want to with no regrets. then, noone can really fault yu or feel sorry for yu, and say yu werent successful, cos if yu're happy, then, why shouldnt they be happy for yu. sometimes i wonder why there are pple who care about what i do with my life, and i realise that its probably either cos they really care, or cos what i do affects them. why else right?
so, with respect comes expectations and responsibilities. similarly, with friendships, and family, and its up to yu to make sure that yu dont let others down cos in the end, its all about yourself. myself.
something jen said hit me just now, about ethan.
he deserves better than anything u can get in this game i'm taking it out of context and it makes so much sense.
gonna do ecology later cos ms teh's got her extra classes on tmr.
every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end
the kids were wonderful, they showed great potential, and talking to them is always easy and fun. what can i say, some of them, are truly good people, and they'll get real far in life. i'll definitely remember them, for they made this experience of mine so much better.
there are points in the camp where i wished it would never end, and i would give so much to return to possibly the lowest point in the camp, when we were sitting on gas canisters to prevent our butts from getting wet from the pouring rain that was flooding our shelter. but looking back, that probably wasnt the lowest point. cos i was still so happy to be there, having a nice time, forming memories that will help me get thru this period of time when odac slows down and like jamin says, the emptiness begins to form inside.
i remember a few weeks ago, i said that i needed a new adrenaline source in my life. how could i have been so blind? i have odac. odac will never fail me. i won't ever abandon ya'll in odac. every single one in batch 19, yu've made my life in odac this much more meaningful. it only takes a couple of expeditions to feel like yu've known a person for years..
now as odac takes a break, yesterday was possibly the last day of odac in say, a long time. and i spent it washing up, packing up, attempting to mug while waiting for things to dry, and having a good time with great people. yesterday, i also revealed a lot about myself, to myself and to another, thru isolated incidents which combined together form a million incidents. i'm sorry.
i've also realised that, the word sorry never means so much especially if it'll make another person feel appeased. eg here being, the football that burnt darling saus by toppling the gas stove and pan of frying sausages. it was really a horror movie watching that ball bounce towards the cooking area. a sorry here would have been appreciated, similarly, a sorry elsewhere would have been expected.
as i sit here on this nice tuesday morning, i suddenly realise how little time i have left to pull up my three Fs to Cs. talking to selina is inspiring, and her frankness and fresh opinions makes yu realise that there are so many other perspectives in life. suddenly, everything seemed possible.
the challenges in life come in the slightest forms, some destroy and some create a feeling so great, its worth the effort.
to fellow j2s, all the best for the common tests, to dear daryl, happy 18th birthday, and to everyone, thanks for the memories.
anyway, i'm so scoofed for time now. behind in a lot of nonsense. particularly worrying is chem. and sad to say, i suck at all my subjects now. great. just fantastic. this has gotta be the lowest point in my academic life. sucks.scoofed. i have chem s tmr, and i havent done it. so scoofed.
SCOOFED.
but, at the same time, life ROCKS, and i love everyone in my life. really.
i will buck up.
just came back from odac dinner, took the train home annnd overslept to simei. nuts. would have been further if nizam hadnt woke me up. oh well. nvm la, one stop only. got my bro to pick me up from tanah merah after that. he's back from army on mc.
i gotta go read my bio prac notes now. btw i noticed that whenever i blog about what i'm gonna do in relation to my academic life, it never comes true, cos i either end up slacking or sleeping. i should shut up next time, and just blog about what i've ALREADY done, then i'll end up more satisfied.
phooey. gonna scram. love to all.
anyway. i have nothing to say.
goodight. i'm exhausted, and feeling funny. i need to learn to interprete signs correctly. okay. g'night.
goodnight, tho not really, cos i'm going back to integration now.
if only i knew what pple were thinking at the exact moment i needed to know, things would be so much easier, or, so much worse.